


I'm Okay, Thanks

by Zinthezinner



Category: Love Live! School Idol Festival ALL STARS (Video Game)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Kanata is a Good Friend, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-26
Updated: 2020-09-26
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:40:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26659840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zinthezinner/pseuds/Zinthezinner
Summary: PLEASE READ THE TAG WARNINGS!This work is (loosely) inspired by:https://incorrect-lovelive-quotes.tumblr.com/post/630238701501431808/ayumu-narrating-i-was-going-to-jump-andwhich reads:Ayumu, narrating: “I was going to jump, and then… my phone rang.”Ayumu, picking up: “Yuu?”Yuu: “Hey Ayumu, how are you?”Ayumu, looking down the rooftop she was about to jump off of:Ayumu: “I’m okay, thanks.”
Relationships: Takasaki Yuu/Uehara Ayumu
Comments: 2
Kudos: 59





	I'm Okay, Thanks

**Author's Note:**

> If you really didn't read the summary or tags, please be aware that this fic contains themes of suicide. This is your final warning.
> 
> Also if you're here because of the incorrect quotes tumblr, hello! I hope you enjoy! I don't know the origin of the quote, so this is an entirely new context for it. I tried to look for it, but google was... unhelpful.

“The truth is, I… I had a hard time when Yu-chan stopped talking to me. I’ve been meaning to tell someone, and I figured I could come to you to explain it, Kanata-san… Are you… okay to listen..?”  
“Of course, of course~”  
“Really?!?”  
“Yep, no matter how sad it is~ I wanna be here for you, always. I can handle it.”  
“It’s… very upsetting, I don’t want to disturb you, I just thought… maybe… if it’s anyone, it’s you?”  
  
Kanata nodded.  
  
“I want you to be honest, okay~? I want to help you, and I have to know what to help in order to do that~”  
“R. Right. Thank you very much in advance!”  
“No worries, no worries~!”  
“I should probably start now then, right?”  
“One condition.”  
“Eh?!?”  
“You have to tell it like it’s a story.”  
“Oh! Um! okay, I’ll… I’ll try my best!”  
  
Ayumu cleared her throat. Her companion put her head in her hands, resting her elbows on the table between the two of them.  
  
“It had been almost a week. Actually, maybe I shouldn’t start there? A few months ago, I realised that I had feelings for Yu-chan. They’d always been there to some degree, I think, but hearing her say ‘I really like you!’ set me off, I guess? Even though I knew it wasn’t romantic, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. It occupied my every thought for days, and then most thoughts from there on out. I can’t go more than an hour without thinking about her! I wanna protect her and care for her and make her happy and hug her and-”  
“Gay.”  
“Yes!”  
“Go on~”  
  
Deep breaths. Deeeep breaths.  
  
“R-right. Uh. So I think about her a lot, and I… I get pretty upset when she ignores me. Like, really upset. I think things like ‘if I’m not here to her, I shouldn’t be here at all!’ and ‘she must hate me, I don’t know what I did wrong but I need to die to fix it!’, and other stuff like that. It’s scary, but I… I can’t help it! I try to distract myself, but my thoughts drift back to her so easily, it’s impossible…  
“Usually it doesn’t last long, and she comes back to me after two or three days of working hard, but that one time it was 6 whole days! 6 days of me being kind of a wreck. It was completely overwhelming, it felt like I was being crushed alive and drowned all at once! I kept poking and scratching myself just for a physical reminder that I was there. N-nothing serious! Just… a little bit. Nothing that left marks or anything!”  
“I understand, it’s okay.”  
“Mm. Anyway, on the sixth day I was feeling nothing. I felt… hollow. Empty. Like everything had been scooped out of me. I couldn’t even cry, I was so… numb-sad. I was convinced that Yu-chan hated me, and that nothing was worth it. I know now that she was just very busy with our songs, but…”  
  
Ayumu looked down, studying the grain of the wood absently for a few moments. The air was still, and the girls were too.  
  
“At that time… I decided to end my life.”  
  
Kanata swallowed. She had been expecting it, but hearing it aloud from a dear friend hits differently.  
  
“It was a bit of a chilly night, and it was sprinkling outside, but I couldn’t help it. I was in kind of a daze, so I don’t really remember much, but I know I went to the tallest building I could and got onto the roof. The city looked so meaninglessly busy below me… It didn’t matter what anyone was doing, not in that moment. All the people were like ants…  
“I was going to jump, and then… my phone rang.  
'Yu-chan?'  
‘Hey Ayumu-chan, how are you?’” Ayumu mimicked.  
  
She giggled to herself.  
  
“And I looked down from the rooftop I was about to jump off of, and you know what I said?”  
“No..? What did you say?”  
“I said ‘I’m okay, thanks’! Can you believe that? ‘I’m okay, thanks’! Like nothing had even happened! Can you believe that?”  
“Yeah, I can believe it.”  
“And the funniest part? I was okay! As soon as I heard her voice, her asking about how I was, I was just… fine again! Like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders… it was such a relief, Kanata-san!”  
“Mhmm, I bet.”  
  
Ayumu put the hands she had accidentally raised back into her lap.  
  
“So um. Yeah! That’s basically what happened. I’ve been too nervous to tell anyone…”  
“I can see why. That sounds pretty scary~ I’m glad you came to me at least.”  
“Mm… so… please don’t tell anyone else, okay?”  
“I won’t spill, but you should probably get a therapist or something.”  
“Mmm… maybe. I’m sure I’ll be fine, though! You don’t have to worry!”  
“Kanata-chan worries as she pleases, thank you very much. C’mere, I wanna give you a hug~”  
  
Dutifully, Ayumu left her seat to go to her friend. They embraced warmly, body heat a comfort in the mild chill of the room.  
  
“Thank you for hearing me out…” Ayumu whispered, muffled by shirt fabric.  
“Of course~ I care about you, you know~?”  
“Mmm… thank you again…”  
“Tell you what. Next time Yu-chan is busy for a few days, you tell Kanata-chan. I’ll ask her to check on you with some excuse like schoolwork getting to you or nerves about an upcoming live. That way she’s reminded, and you get comforted, and then you can tell her on your own about how you’d like more care. Sound good~?”  
“Y-you can’t do that! I don’t want to lie to her… but… it does kinda sound nice…”  
“Like I said, it’s just so that you can open up properly on your own. It can’t hurt, right? If you can’t do it yourself, maybe just a little kick-start can assist~”  
  
After a bit of thought, Ayumu nodded into the shoulder in front of her as Kanata pat her gently.  
  
“You’re a really good friend, Kanata-san…”  
“The best~”

**Author's Note:**

> I hope everyone's alright after that, and I hope you enjoyed it!


End file.
